“It’s hard to wait around for something you know may never
happen, but it is even harder when you know it is everything
you want.”
It has taken me several days to write this installation to this crazy blog endeavor and the reason is that sometimes the truth can hurt. While at times hurtful, it can be the most helpful tool when you are trying to learn more about yourself and become more “Un-Stupid”—that isn’t even a damned word, but you get the idea.
Here is the “skinny”, as I am apt to do, I was talking with my friends, Liz and EP (MISTAKE, never ever let two very educated and self-aware women that know you, “Break You Down”---haha) a few days back and they told me that one of my problems (it has been established that I have MANY) is that I am lazy—stupid and lazy great combo, right? Now, when I heard that from them, my first thought (typical by most men’s standards) was “screw that, (well, that other word…I am trying not to use too much profanity, I ain’t no heathen) they are my friends, but they don’t really know the type of work I am putting in to improve myself and the person I am striving to be.” I mean, I am here writing all about my many relational flaws, airing out all of my dirty laundry for all of the world to see, (5 readers and counting…okay 6, my Mom has two email addresses) as some sort of cathartic/self-effacing therapy. So, I really thought/think that I was/am putting in the work necessary to grow; not be this lazy person that they claim that I am being. I ain’t on the sidelines of my relationship life (or lack thereof) watching, hell, I am a starter, on the front lines working my ass off. So, when they started explaining their observations a little further, I started doing that thing that a lot of us (men) do when we are on the defensive and people (women) are telling us things that sound too much like right…I started zoning out. Their words started sounding like baby pterodactyls screeching (I am making the noise know) and I was only listening to snippets of the things that “I” wanted to hear—acting like I was paying attention, but knowing I really wasn’t. I won’t lie, I was kinda pissed! In my inner dialogue, I was still saying that same-old, same-old, “they don’t know me, they don’t know the real deal.” Now, I am in my own head, thinking what I want to think—you know ,missing the whole damned point! I was now onto the next thought-“Now they are telling me I have an inability to actively seek-out potential mates/or long term relationship…hell, have they ever tried to actively go out and find someone to be with them as a lifelong partner in this single jungle. Hell, they are happy people in happy relationships—what in the hell can they possibly know, they got someone…they are disconnected.
Still swimming around in my own head, I went down the rabbit hole a little further and started thinking, “seriously where can single people REALLY go seeking that Right Person?” I have done the bar scene **chirp, chirp, chip**…not saying that you can’t find the love of your life there, but in my experiences, you tend to find more of the “love of the night” sort of scenarios. Yes, fun while it lasts, (20-30 minutes—yeah fellas, be real, ain’t too many marathon nights and anyone who has lied and said that, well, THEY LIED...ladies will back me up on this) but what do you do when the morning comes, oh, I know, the walk of SHAME!!!?
Still thinking on my own thoughts, the Neyo (shout out to the Orignal Matrix) part of me breaks off even further(I take the blue pill) and I am thinking “ain’t no way in hell I am doing some ‘online’ dating thing. (Sidebar, I know several great couples that have met this way-much love) Damned Dr. Phil, Damned the 27 or 28 connectivity traits they use to match you up, Damned eHarmony and Match.com with their clever marketing, Damned the creating some sort of profile that is supposed to tell someone who I am in 500 characters or less and Damned sitting in front of my computer waiting for my Inbox to alert me that I match or someone matches me—isn’t that the epitome of lazy? Yeah, I know, I know way too much about something I “DAMNED” so much—don’t JUDGE me—haha!! But seriously, where do you go? My best friend Jeff says that you can meet the best women in the grocery store…more on that at a later date (maybe an experiment is in the making…stay tuned). I am sure that I will have to address this at a later date.
As I said, it has taken me several days to write this blog—I had a bunch of internal ISHT going on as the truth was MESSING me up, I was MESSING me up (see above). And after I got out of my own head and actually started listening, Liz smacked me in the face with what both she and EP were really saying: it is easy as hell to find someone, it doesn’t take a bar, dating site, social event, single’s bible study (no comment) , meeting ina grocery store or any crap like that, finding someone is the easy part, many times it just happens, but keeping them is the hard part and where the real work comes into play.
In my stupid stupor I have had many relationships—repeat HAD!!! And, as we can see,from this blog, therein lies the huge problem--HAD. I have had many relationships, but I have not maintained them. Too many issues to explain—I will probably reveal them later, but you can imagine.--LAZY & STUPID I haven’t put in the REAL work necessary to make them lasting relationships. I won’t lie, the last one I did, (seriously) and the one before that I did , I thought (leaving out the comments I made that I thought were jokes, but ending up ENDING my relationship) but as Liz often says, “Right Guy, Wrong Girl, Wrong Guy, Right Girl, Right Guy, Right Girl, Wrong Time…” But, the whole point is that when I was blessed with a relationship, I chose not to put in the work. You know, the things that you do in the beginning, but don’t do over the course of the relationship—see: dressing up, maintaining that “spark”, not farting (we all do it, I still think it is funny), maintaining physical and mental appearances (no matter what any one says, both are very important), communicating, doing the small things (my ex-fiance use to tell me that A LOT), focusing on the romance, reiterating her importance in my life, the list goes on and on. Whatever the case may be, for some reason ,I tended to lose focus and I am wondering why? As the truth continues to reveal itself, and I continue to put that mirror up to myself, we will see…
happen, but it is even harder when you know it is everything
you want.”
It has taken me several days to write this installation to this crazy blog endeavor and the reason is that sometimes the truth can hurt. While at times hurtful, it can be the most helpful tool when you are trying to learn more about yourself and become more “Un-Stupid”—that isn’t even a damned word, but you get the idea.
Here is the “skinny”, as I am apt to do, I was talking with my friends, Liz and EP (MISTAKE, never ever let two very educated and self-aware women that know you, “Break You Down”---haha) a few days back and they told me that one of my problems (it has been established that I have MANY) is that I am lazy—stupid and lazy great combo, right? Now, when I heard that from them, my first thought (typical by most men’s standards) was “screw that, (well, that other word…I am trying not to use too much profanity, I ain’t no heathen) they are my friends, but they don’t really know the type of work I am putting in to improve myself and the person I am striving to be.” I mean, I am here writing all about my many relational flaws, airing out all of my dirty laundry for all of the world to see, (5 readers and counting…okay 6, my Mom has two email addresses) as some sort of cathartic/self-effacing therapy. So, I really thought/think that I was/am putting in the work necessary to grow; not be this lazy person that they claim that I am being. I ain’t on the sidelines of my relationship life (or lack thereof) watching, hell, I am a starter, on the front lines working my ass off. So, when they started explaining their observations a little further, I started doing that thing that a lot of us (men) do when we are on the defensive and people (women) are telling us things that sound too much like right…I started zoning out. Their words started sounding like baby pterodactyls screeching (I am making the noise know) and I was only listening to snippets of the things that “I” wanted to hear—acting like I was paying attention, but knowing I really wasn’t. I won’t lie, I was kinda pissed! In my inner dialogue, I was still saying that same-old, same-old, “they don’t know me, they don’t know the real deal.” Now, I am in my own head, thinking what I want to think—you know ,missing the whole damned point! I was now onto the next thought-“Now they are telling me I have an inability to actively seek-out potential mates/or long term relationship…hell, have they ever tried to actively go out and find someone to be with them as a lifelong partner in this single jungle. Hell, they are happy people in happy relationships—what in the hell can they possibly know, they got someone…they are disconnected.
Still swimming around in my own head, I went down the rabbit hole a little further and started thinking, “seriously where can single people REALLY go seeking that Right Person?” I have done the bar scene **chirp, chirp, chip**…not saying that you can’t find the love of your life there, but in my experiences, you tend to find more of the “love of the night” sort of scenarios. Yes, fun while it lasts, (20-30 minutes—yeah fellas, be real, ain’t too many marathon nights and anyone who has lied and said that, well, THEY LIED...ladies will back me up on this) but what do you do when the morning comes, oh, I know, the walk of SHAME!!!?
Still thinking on my own thoughts, the Neyo (shout out to the Orignal Matrix) part of me breaks off even further(I take the blue pill) and I am thinking “ain’t no way in hell I am doing some ‘online’ dating thing. (Sidebar, I know several great couples that have met this way-much love) Damned Dr. Phil, Damned the 27 or 28 connectivity traits they use to match you up, Damned eHarmony and Match.com with their clever marketing, Damned the creating some sort of profile that is supposed to tell someone who I am in 500 characters or less and Damned sitting in front of my computer waiting for my Inbox to alert me that I match or someone matches me—isn’t that the epitome of lazy? Yeah, I know, I know way too much about something I “DAMNED” so much—don’t JUDGE me—haha!! But seriously, where do you go? My best friend Jeff says that you can meet the best women in the grocery store…more on that at a later date (maybe an experiment is in the making…stay tuned). I am sure that I will have to address this at a later date.
As I said, it has taken me several days to write this blog—I had a bunch of internal ISHT going on as the truth was MESSING me up, I was MESSING me up (see above). And after I got out of my own head and actually started listening, Liz smacked me in the face with what both she and EP were really saying: it is easy as hell to find someone, it doesn’t take a bar, dating site, social event, single’s bible study (no comment) , meeting ina grocery store or any crap like that, finding someone is the easy part, many times it just happens, but keeping them is the hard part and where the real work comes into play.
In my stupid stupor I have had many relationships—repeat HAD!!! And, as we can see,from this blog, therein lies the huge problem--HAD. I have had many relationships, but I have not maintained them. Too many issues to explain—I will probably reveal them later, but you can imagine.--LAZY & STUPID I haven’t put in the REAL work necessary to make them lasting relationships. I won’t lie, the last one I did, (seriously) and the one before that I did , I thought (leaving out the comments I made that I thought were jokes, but ending up ENDING my relationship) but as Liz often says, “Right Guy, Wrong Girl, Wrong Guy, Right Girl, Right Guy, Right Girl, Wrong Time…” But, the whole point is that when I was blessed with a relationship, I chose not to put in the work. You know, the things that you do in the beginning, but don’t do over the course of the relationship—see: dressing up, maintaining that “spark”, not farting (we all do it, I still think it is funny), maintaining physical and mental appearances (no matter what any one says, both are very important), communicating, doing the small things (my ex-fiance use to tell me that A LOT), focusing on the romance, reiterating her importance in my life, the list goes on and on. Whatever the case may be, for some reason ,I tended to lose focus and I am wondering why? As the truth continues to reveal itself, and I continue to put that mirror up to myself, we will see…
Good blog patna.
ReplyDeleteWow...We need to catch up and you need to give me the CDs you owe me. Miss ya, friend!
ReplyDelete