A few days back, I sat down with this great idea that I had planned to write about in my blog (post). I talked to a friend of mine about the topic and we both agreed that it was a good idea--she even helped me with some content and material--we can use it later. Well, for some reason, as I sat down to type today, it turned into something else completely. Maybe it is the holiday season that has me feeling this way, (Happy Gobble, Gobble Day to everyone) or maybe it is just a part of my "Relationship DNA"...either way, this is the result:
So if pink and green are the "New Black", 30 is the new 20 (according to Jay Z), is 35 REALLY the new 25 or whatever people are claiming these days? Or is that just some crap people my age are saying to make themselves feel a little bit better about "their" situations? (Sidebar, do women have to say it at an even earlier age? If so, sorry about the double-standard, my dating pool just got smaller and I am starting to really believe in that "biological clock" thing.) Any way, are these "sayings" something that we utter to ourselves so that we don’t feel like we are failures or relationship challenged? I mean, I don't feel old, I don't look old (at least not to me; and isn’t looking old relative), I still got a lot of "growing up" to do, but what is it inside of me that is telling me that "I am behind the 'Bell Curve' with respect to relationships?". Maybe, just maybe it is the fact that my friends are all either married, getting married, having kids or are in relationships and I am just not at that point yet. And, the questions keep hitting me in the damned face: "What in the hell am I missing" or better yet, "What am I 'lacking' that seems to be inherent in almost everyone else around me" or,"Will I ever get to that point?". Hell, I mean, I think we all want to "get to that point" and everyone that I know that knows me says that it will happen for me, but my biggest question is "WHEN?". Patience is not a virtue that I possess--only child syndrome.
Now, I really don't feel as if I am a "Keepin' up with the Jones'" sort of person. Hell, you can most definitely tell that just from reading the crap that I am writing. I tend to make my own way, do things my own way and I usually color outside of the lines-hell are there any lines any way? Maybe that is a part of the problem or, that IS the problem-I sometimes, well most of the time feel as if the rules don't apply to me, you know, I like to think that I am SPECIAL-don't we all? I mean, my Mommy says that I am--haha. And you know what, I really believe it, I won't lie. Have for all of my life and you know something else, there ain't nothing wrong with that. The problems occur when you think that the world is "supposed" to treat you the way that your Mommy does-IDIOT! It has gotten me into so many ill-gotten situations, that I care not to explain (another post, another time, another place). But, I won't and can't lie, it finally taught me so many lessons...lessons I probably should have learned a long time ago, but you know, I was feeling "SPECIAL"--yeah, short-bus special …and if you talk to any of my ex's, I proved and lived-up to my "Relational Retardation" many times over.
Anywhom, I digress, getting back to the matter at hand, the question that I often ask myself, and I know that a lot of you ask as well, Am I Really Running Out Of Time? Keeping it 100, there is no way in hell that any of us are running out of time as long as we are above ground, but for many things, I know that I am a little behind schedule. At 25, there was no way in the world I saw myself as husband or father material, 28, nope, 30, I was getting better , but once I hit 32, I thought that I would have some sort of clarity—NOPE. Three years later, I can now see the eye chart with corrective lenses, but damned, is that too old? I don’t want to be in bifocals when I am walking down the aisle or in the delivery room waiting for my first child to be born.
I guess that a lot of my angst can be related to the fact that I am a “Generation X'er” , the child of two “Baby-Boomers” that met early in life, saw many parts of the world early in life, married early, had me early and when I got older, they still had/have a lot of life left in them. And, I am wondering, just wondering, if I am missing the boat? My friends, you know the "married" ones, (haha) are having kids now and if things don’t change for me, they will be putting their kids through college when I am simply putting on my kiddos' diapers. I don’t know if I am running out of time per se but I can hear some alarms ringing. SNOOZE!!!
So if pink and green are the "New Black", 30 is the new 20 (according to Jay Z), is 35 REALLY the new 25 or whatever people are claiming these days? Or is that just some crap people my age are saying to make themselves feel a little bit better about "their" situations? (Sidebar, do women have to say it at an even earlier age? If so, sorry about the double-standard, my dating pool just got smaller and I am starting to really believe in that "biological clock" thing.) Any way, are these "sayings" something that we utter to ourselves so that we don’t feel like we are failures or relationship challenged? I mean, I don't feel old, I don't look old (at least not to me; and isn’t looking old relative), I still got a lot of "growing up" to do, but what is it inside of me that is telling me that "I am behind the 'Bell Curve' with respect to relationships?". Maybe, just maybe it is the fact that my friends are all either married, getting married, having kids or are in relationships and I am just not at that point yet. And, the questions keep hitting me in the damned face: "What in the hell am I missing" or better yet, "What am I 'lacking' that seems to be inherent in almost everyone else around me" or,"Will I ever get to that point?". Hell, I mean, I think we all want to "get to that point" and everyone that I know that knows me says that it will happen for me, but my biggest question is "WHEN?". Patience is not a virtue that I possess--only child syndrome.
Now, I really don't feel as if I am a "Keepin' up with the Jones'" sort of person. Hell, you can most definitely tell that just from reading the crap that I am writing. I tend to make my own way, do things my own way and I usually color outside of the lines-hell are there any lines any way? Maybe that is a part of the problem or, that IS the problem-I sometimes, well most of the time feel as if the rules don't apply to me, you know, I like to think that I am SPECIAL-don't we all? I mean, my Mommy says that I am--haha. And you know what, I really believe it, I won't lie. Have for all of my life and you know something else, there ain't nothing wrong with that. The problems occur when you think that the world is "supposed" to treat you the way that your Mommy does-IDIOT! It has gotten me into so many ill-gotten situations, that I care not to explain (another post, another time, another place). But, I won't and can't lie, it finally taught me so many lessons...lessons I probably should have learned a long time ago, but you know, I was feeling "SPECIAL"--yeah, short-bus special …and if you talk to any of my ex's, I proved and lived-up to my "Relational Retardation" many times over.
Anywhom, I digress, getting back to the matter at hand, the question that I often ask myself, and I know that a lot of you ask as well, Am I Really Running Out Of Time? Keeping it 100, there is no way in hell that any of us are running out of time as long as we are above ground, but for many things, I know that I am a little behind schedule. At 25, there was no way in the world I saw myself as husband or father material, 28, nope, 30, I was getting better , but once I hit 32, I thought that I would have some sort of clarity—NOPE. Three years later, I can now see the eye chart with corrective lenses, but damned, is that too old? I don’t want to be in bifocals when I am walking down the aisle or in the delivery room waiting for my first child to be born.
I guess that a lot of my angst can be related to the fact that I am a “Generation X'er” , the child of two “Baby-Boomers” that met early in life, saw many parts of the world early in life, married early, had me early and when I got older, they still had/have a lot of life left in them. And, I am wondering, just wondering, if I am missing the boat? My friends, you know the "married" ones, (haha) are having kids now and if things don’t change for me, they will be putting their kids through college when I am simply putting on my kiddos' diapers. I don’t know if I am running out of time per se but I can hear some alarms ringing. SNOOZE!!!
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